I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
