It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
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