i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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