guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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