Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
