I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
