u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
