You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
