even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
