Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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