you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
