OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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