Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
