I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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