Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
