whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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