If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
