I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
