My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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