i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
