my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
