Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
