I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
