Your face is a jimmy john
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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