the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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