why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
