my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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