She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
