Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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