I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
