I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
