My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
