Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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