my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
