Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
