Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
