I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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