i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
