dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
