hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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