I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Randomize
