as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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