"it" just moved
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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