Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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