I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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