I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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