Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
