if you like me you must not know who I am
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just high enough for therapy.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
