Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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