It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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