yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
