alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
