Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
