Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
