Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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